I've been wanting to say that for a while, because I've been feeling it since April 31 when I took my first "leap of faith" run. I hate feeling like my body is a loosely packed sack of guts that gets all tangled up and twisted when I run. I hate feeling broken and defeated when I have to start walking because I can't take the pain. Why can't I be more like the heros on The Biggest Loser who run through the pain?
An hour later…
After my "what the heck am I doing" cry in the shower, I felt better. I took my dog out for her bedtime walk and when I looked down the street, I couldn't see the place where I started my walk of shame, 0.6 miles away and around the corner. It felt good know that I can run past what I can see. Also my legs feel a little stronger. I like that too.
Is anyone listening?
I told the Big Guy Upstairs "I want to like running. I want it to feel good and I want to crave it. But right now what I want the most is a really good excuse to give up."
Afterglow
That's when it got clear. Right now, running will NOT be pleasurable until afterwards. It's like eating; eat something healthy instead of my preferred chips & dip so that I'll feel good in an hour. Thanks Big Guy.
But someday shredded wheat and running will be good in the moment too, right?
Promise?
After I cross the finish line for the half marathon next May I'm going to feel incredible for a month.
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