Thursday, August 7, 2014

Training Buddies: Two Minutes of Conspiracy

Me: I have to keep this up, so I'm running tonight, no matter what. Calvin will have fun in the jogging stroller. How hard can it be to push a stroller?

Arms: Hey, this stroller pushing is kinda hard. Like seriously, wow.

Knees: We could go all night!

Calvin: No, that way, THAT WAY, THAT WAY! *crunches apple*

Me: Oh God. He brought his apple. There's a lot of bumps on the sidewalk, omg what if he chokes on his apple WHAT IF HE CHOKES ON HIS APPLE AND STOPS BREATHING AND HOW DO YOU DO THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER ON A TODDLER?

Jogging Stroller: I want you to constantly go a little to the right, mmmkay?

Phone: I know you're really enjoying this entertaining NPR Ask Me Another podcast, but I'm going to turn off now even though my battery still has 40%. Ha, get it? Because your battery was full when you left the house, sucka. Oh, and I decided not to launch Runtastic for you either so you'll have to guess your distance. Oh, and you hit a bump so I'm going to bounce out of this cupholder and you can't replace me for another 47 days. Teehee!

Knees: We don't hurt this time! Run!

Lungs: Is Albuterol here? No? We're going to give ourself a big 'ol squeeze then.

Arms: I hate you, stroller!

Jogging Stroller: I'm going to leak some more air out of the back right tire and see if she finally notices it's getting kinda flat lol lol lol lol. #whathappenswhenionlygetoutacoupletimesayear

Calvin: Now that I've finished eating my apple core, I'll just put my feet up and get comfy. Wheeeeeee!

Me: A walk around the block sounds delightful.



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